I talk about my sister a lot in english and I feel like sometimes its too much but then I realized that thats my way of reaching to her, and of way of writing how im feeling in that moment. I talk to my sister a lot before bed and when I get up in the morning so she knows im thinking of her. I could never forget that night even if I wanted to. It was aweful I thought it was some kind of awful joke that wasn't true, but it was. This was so hard to believe for 5 weeks I was in denial "this didn't happen, it was a bad dream, she is really okay, she is really okay." Yet still no being able to contact her. At her wake my last time seeing my sister, I didn't cry. Sitting front with the rest of my family at her funeral, I didn't cry. I didn't believe all of this was really happening, i was still in that state of "shock" I wouldn't allow my self to cry and show that soft side that I had, she had alway know me never to cry and always called me "a tough cookie." Looking back now She was my rock, my only sibling. It's so hard to communicate with someone who you were so close to when they are no longer with you. You feel like they can never here you, and you can no longer hear their response, see them just one more time, hear their laugh or the sound of yours when they are with you. We were so close, spending the weekends with each other at my dad's going to the mall and showing him how to shop; memories I will never forget. We looked forward to every weekend, I was never fond of going to people's houses until I was older I would be scared but she invited me over for the night and I went over and when it came time to go to bed I started to get scared and wanted to go home but she calmed me down and showed me everything was okay. The one thing that haunts me every night when I'm lying awake thinking of her is how many firsts she will never have. She never got to go to her Senior prom, never got to continue on with her strong passion of art, get married, have children, and watch her other siblings grow up, now she has to watch us from heavens doors. Thats just isn't fair. So if your reading this babygirl I miss you. "I love you more" <3
Well, you know I'm crying. First of all, you can never talk too much about missing somebody. We're all missing somebody. It's just you're missing somebody you can no longer see anymore and that hurts the worst. Of course, you've got to talk about it and write about it and blog about it. That's your way of dealing with the pain, and I highly recommend it. Keep on opening yourself up to life and loss Whitney. Open people are absolutely the best people to be around because they help others do the same.
ReplyDeleteAs for the writing, put in some paragraph breaks here to make it easier to follow. Try to check spelling and missing words too before you hit publish. Thanks.
Awesome blog entry.
Mrs. Mo
I ended up having to do it on my fone and my fone often changes what i type to something else if i spell it wrong. I'll try and get it to work on my laptop for next time. Thank you:)
DeleteHey Whitney,
ReplyDeleteI noticed that I can't read your other blog entry. It's about your life revolving around volleyball and singing, but the page won't open.
Any ideas?
This is really sweet, Whitney. I couldn't imagine going through this.
ReplyDelete